


Sleeping So Long in a Twenty-Year Dark Night, And Now I See Daylight

by sweet_symphony0



Series: Hold Me Closer [2]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Aftercare, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Past Abuse, Protective Boyfriend, Rami Wants to Protect Joe at all Costs, Rami is a sweetheart, The best boyfriend, mentions of BDSM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 05:31:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21010541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweet_symphony0/pseuds/sweet_symphony0
Summary: The following morning after the events of reunion party, Joe opens up to Rami about his past with Mark. There's lots of tears, but Joe is incredibly lucky to know that he's got someone like Rami to help him with anything.





	Sleeping So Long in a Twenty-Year Dark Night, And Now I See Daylight

**Author's Note:**

> This is a followup piece to Hold Me Closer, which deals more heavily with Joe's past relationship with Mark. There's talk of domestic abuse and psychological manipulation, so if any of that is triggering, please stay safe.

Joe’s first thought of the morning was that he was waking up to an empty bed. Rami’s side of the bed was cold, meaning he’d been up for a while, and Joe frowned mildly. Eye closed, he listened, hearing the sounds of something frying in the kitchen, pans clattering about, a sink running. Joe’s mouth twitched into an easy smile; he loved when Rami cooked. Deciding to lay there a minute longer, he felt content like this, lazing in the sheets and the blinds half open, early morning sunlight rays streaming through.

He didn’t realize he’d fallen asleep until he felt a hand in his hair, caressing his cheek softly. Rami was back in the room, sliding under the covers and propping himself up on the headboard, a tray in one hand.

“Hey there, baby,” Rami crooned softly. He had a smile so full of love on his face that Joe couldn’t help but feel suddenly shy under the amount of pure adoration Rami was showing, and burrowed his face further into the pillow. Rami chuckled, reaching a hand over to squeeze the nape of Joe’s neck. “Aw, sweetheart. I made you breakfast but if you don’t feel like waking up-”

“No,” Joe shot up out of the covers then, propping himself up in one hand, ignoring Rami snickering. “No, no, I’m up.” He grinned proudly when Rami laughed then, and he leaned in to cup Joe’s face, pressing his lips to Joe’s.

“Good morning,” Rami breathed when they parted.

“It’s always a good morning when I got woken up like that.” Joe shifted, joining Rami against the headboard, his mouth watering when he spotted the waffle and a bowl of fresh fruit Rami had brought in. “What did I do to deserve this? Did I forget something?”

Rami shook his head, stabbing a strawberry with his fork, taking his time to collect his thoughts. They chewed in silence, and Joe waited, curiosity peaking, but didn’t say anything else, knowing Rami would choose when he was ready to respond.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about last night,” Rami frowned. “And I had to make sure you’re okay.”

Joe’s heart sped up, and quickly intertwined his hand with Rami’s, squeezing. “Rami, I’m fine. I promise. I’m fine because of _ you_.”

“Yes, but it not might have been,” Rami fumed, glaring darkly at his fork like it had personally upset him. “That fucking asshole-”

“Is out of my life,” Joe said firmly. “And I’ll be damned if I let him get in the way of my current relationship.” He closed his eyes, a lump forming in his throat suddenly, and he cursed softly, because it was too early to be crying. “I won’t-I won’t let that happen.”

Rami glanced at him quickly, seeing the tears brimming in Joe’s eyes, and his own eyes widened. “Shit Joey, I’m sorry-”

“Don’t be,” Joe said thickly, trying to reach for another piece of the waffle. “God, I’m sick of crying over him. I told myself after we broke up that I would be done, but-” He sniffled, shaking his head in frustration.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Rami whispered, guilt churning in his stomach. “I shouldn’t have brought him up in the first place.”

“S’fine,” Joe mumbled, shifting so that he was leaning his head on Rami’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, babe.” Rami kissed the top of his head, placing the tray on the table beside the bed, and they laid there quietly. Joe knew he should explain further, he knew Rami had questions but would never ask them, not unless Joe pried them out of him. He was so careful to not hurt Joe, so careful with his words in a way that Joe would never be. And even after being together for three years, Joe had told Rami tidbits of his relationship with Mark, of course he had, not when there had been any way to avoid it. Closing his eyes, he inhaled.

“There was a time-” He swallowed nervously, curling up instinctively further into Rami, needing the physical contact, and Rami wrapped his arms around him tightly. “There was a time when after we’d just broken up...when I really thought-I thought he broke me.” He was silent for a minute longer, before he buried his face in Rami’s shoulder. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“You don’t have to,” Rami said immediately, his tone nothing but calm and steady. He was truly Joe’s rock, and Joe so, so thankful to have Rami in his life. “Only talk about it if you want to, if you feel you’re ready. And if you think you are, then take you time, sweetheart, I’m here to listen. We’ll take this at your pace, whatever you’re ready to talk about, I’ll be right here to support you and take care of you any way you need.” Rami kissed the top of his head again, smiling when Joe’s hand curled into Rami’s shirt like a child. “I’m right here, baby. Tell me what you need?”

Joe nodded, the lump in his throat steadily growing stronger at Rami’s love, but he pushed forward. “I thought,” Joe inhaled again, anxiety through the roof, but the presence of Rami was soothing, rubbing light circles on his back. “I thought that, well, that was it, you know? I was never going to date again, not when he’d beaten me down so badly that-” He wiped his eyes roughly, and felt Rami kiss his temple again. “He...he would say things like I was only ever good for a decent fuck.”

Rami sucked in a sharp breath, and Joe could feel the rage shaking off him in waves.

“That my taste in sex was too vanilla, and that I wasn’t working hard enough when I wasn’t landing roles. That my friends weren’t good for me, I was hanging around the wrong crowd because they weren’t hot shot actors with major names in the industry.” The memories were flooding in now, and he couldn’t stop them if he tried. Rami didn’t need to hear this, didn’t deserve to hear such cruel things; sweet Rami, gentle, kind, loving Rami, who was here with him, in this very room, this very bed- “He’d tell me he liked his men a little feminine and had me lose weight, which I didn’t realize he was even doing it because I was so far deep into it. Made me all these protein shakes that made me sick constantly.”

He was fully crying now, gasping out whatever he could, the pain of what had happened to him finally hitting. Rami was silent, letting him speak, and that was what he loved the most. Rami never, ever pushed him, not for anything.

“He’d police my cell phone, and when I’d argue about it, he told me that everyone I talked to was a distraction from my work, and that if I wanted to be better, then I need only focus on auditions or scripts. That’s why you and I didn’t really talk for a while, remember?” Rami nodded, eyes closed as he listened.

“I do remember,” he said. “And I remember being so concerned for you, because I never liked Mark from the beginning. You were such a shell of yourself, Joey. I could tell he changed you, and not in a good way. Everytime I tried to bring that up, I don’t think you could hear it.” Joe stared down at a loose thread in the bedspread guilty, and Rami made a sound low in the back of his throat. “No baby, don’t blame yourself. What he did was nothing short of manipulative gaslighting. None of that is your fault.”

The worst part-” Joe shuddered so violently that Rami tightened his grip on him, shushing him softly.

“It’s okay, baby,” Rami whispered, sounding so shattered that it was painful. “You don’t have to tell me anymore, that’s enough.”

“No it’s not,” Joe said. “You deserve to know, I haven’t really told anyone fully what happened. I always mention it just didn’t work out when people mention him, but you should know.” He swallowed. “I trust you. I want you to know.”

_ I know you won’t hurt me. I know you won’t use this against me.  
_

“The worst part,” Joe continued. “Was that he told me he loved me? He did it out of love, it was his way of showing his love to his partner, but I always deep down that what he considered love wasn’t it. I knew what a healthy relationship could be, but didn’t want to face the fact that I might be in a bad one. He constantly wanted things his way, and got mad when I brought up other suggestions. He thought that meant I was doubting him.” Joe rolled his eyes, feeling relieved that tears were slowing down. “He, uh-the sex wasn’t-” Joe swallowed. “Sorry.”

Rami leaned down to kiss his cheek, wiping a tear away with his thumb. “Whatever for, sweetheart? There's nothing to be sorry for.”

“You don’t want to hear this next part.”

“I don’t want to hear it, or you don’t want to tell me?” Rami frowned, caressing Joe’s cheek. “You don’t have to say anything else, baby. I’m so incredibly proud of you telling me this much. I know it isn’t easy at all, and I feel so touched that you’re comfortable with me to talk about this. You’re in control here, Joe, remember.”

Joe nodded, and smiled gratefully before taking a second to breathe. “Like I said, he said that I was too vanilla in my tastes, and he...never gave any aftercare. He didn’t listen when I wanted to slow down or if I didn’t feel good, and...I thought that was normal. I thought sex was just this interaction where you get the person off in a quick fuck and that was that. Like...it was meant to be a cheap one night stand, no intimacy there. It was until we-” He gestured between himself and Rami. “Got back together that I learned that sex could be...loving, and gentle, and _ warm_. Like it could be this spiritual experience with things like aftercare and cuddles and actually falling asleep next to someone after sex, then waking up to them in the morning.” The tears were coming back, but he pressed on, because he had to get this off his chest. He had to make sure Rami knew how much he meant to Joe. “That...someone could stay in the end and wouldn’t leave. Because up until now, everyone left.”

His voice cracked and he was crying again, slow tears that he wiped away. He was sick of crying about this. He was sick of spending nights alone, thinking he wouldn’t find love again, not after pricks like Mark, who’d ruined him so deeply to his core he thought he was damaged for good. His eyes widened as another thought struck him: would Rami leave after hearing this? Would Rami still want him?

As if he’d read Joe’s mind, Rami leaned down, pressing his face into Joe’s hair, shaking. Joe jolted with fear momentarily as realized Rami was crying. “Rami?”

And Rami made a noise in the back of his throat, wrapping his arms even tighter around Joe into an embrace, tears sliding down his face into Joe’s hair, not saying a word as he closed his eyes, trying to control his emotions.

“I love you,” he said finally, voice muffled against Joe’s hair. “I love you, I love you, I love you. What that...scumbag did to you is none of your fault and not okay. Okay? You know that, right?”

“I do now,” Joe said quietly, “there was a time when I didn’t.” And Rami stared at him, so heartbroken that physically hurt Joe’s heart.

“I’m going to help you, Joey,” Rami said, sitting up to take Joe’s hands in his. “We’re in this together, okay? Whatever you need, I’ll always be here to listen, or talk or kiss your fears away and hold you. I’m not going _ anywhere_. I have you, always. And fuck Mark. Fuck’s sake, I’m so happy I punched him. I only wish I’d gotten to do more.” Joe snorted, biting his lip self-consciously, and Rami admonished him gently, taking Joe’s lip out with his thumb. “No, baby, don’t do that. You’re going to make it bleed.”

“Sorry,” Joe whispered, feeling incredibly vulnerable, and Rami smiled at him, a tender expression on his face. “I love you too. You...remember when we first talked and I mentioned I needed more aftercare than most people?”

Rami nodded, running his hand through Joe’s hair soothingly. “You told me it was because you’d bad previous experiences with BDSM and sex overall, but hearing all this...I never knew it was this bad.” His eyes widened. “_Am _ I giving you enough aftercare? Is the sex okay? Because I can definitely do more-”

Joe laughed, lunging himself at Rami, smiling when they landed against the pillows easily. “You do more than enough, Rams. I promise. Sex with you is nothing short of incredible.”

“Hmm, I still think I’ll give you more. You haven’t seen the half of it, Mazzello. I’m an expert in aftercare, and you deserve nothing other than to be completely, utterly pampered.” Rami’s eyes twinkled as Joe blushed. “I’m serious. Especially after you just told me _ that_,” Rami spat the word like it was something dirty. “You deserve to be cherished. It’s a privilege to be with you and anyone who can’t see that has missed out.”

Joe couldn’t help the overwhelming emotion he felt as he slammed his lips against Rami’s, and they made out heatedly, Joe pouring all his feelings into the kiss, hoping Rami could sense it. “I think I am now, don’t you think? Cherished?”

“You are.” Rami stared at him, so beautiful that it took Joe’s breath away, before reaching up to tug Joe down into a hug. “Come here, baby,” he said gently, pressing another quick kiss on Joe’s lips. He maneuvered them so that they lay facing each other, and Rami quickly tucked Joe into his embrace, feeling Joe relax. “I’m so incredibly thankful and lucky to have you in my life. Let’s stay here for bit, let me hold you.”

Joe melted, closing his eyes. “Okay.” Rami was peppering his face in kisses, soft and soothing, and he could feel himself crashing now, in the aftermath of tears and adrenaline. He let himself be held, in the security of Rami’s arms, and knew without a doubt that he’d never felt safer. Rami cared for him so much that Joe knew he would never dream of leaving.

Rami was still pressing kisses to every inch of skin he could reach, one hand tangled in Joe’s auburn locks. “I love you, Joey. I’m here, and I’ll always take care of you.”

Joe smiled. “I know.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Oof this was a long one! I know it's a heavy topic but I felt it was important to dive into it a little more, especially since I knew I had a second part planned. Let me know what you think? <3


End file.
